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How to Manage Living With an Alcoholic

Medically reviewed by Dr. Po-Chang HsuSeptember 16, 2024
Written by
On September 16, 2024

Table of Contents

Key Points

  • Alcoholism can have serious impacts on the individual going through it and the individuals most close to them.
  • Some of the main challenges of loving with an alcoholic spouse include unpredictability, emotional and psychological pain, broken trust, and financial stress.
  • When talking to your loved one about their drinking problem, choose the right time and place, express your concerns empathetically, and be prepared for resistance.
  • Effective coping strategies when living with an alcoholic include educating yourself, setting clear boundaries, joining a support group, and seeking professional help.

Living with an alcoholic or a loved one that you suspect may have an alcohol abuse problem can be an emotionally draining experience. Not only can it lead to frustration and fear if your loved one is unable to stay in control of their behavior when drinking, but it can be damaging to a relationship and leave individuals feeling hopeless about their situation.

However, while this situation may seem hopeless, there are effective coping strategies you and your loved one can use to navigate this situation while finding essential support systems for yourself and your loved one.

What are the Main Challenges of Living With an Alcoholic Spouse?

Living with an alcoholic spouse or family member can be a difficult and seemingly impossible situation to be in. Alcoholism can have serious impacts on the individual going through it and the individuals most close to them. Some of the main challenges of living with an alcoholic spouse include:

Unpredictability

One of the most difficult things to handle when living with an alcoholic is the constant unpredictability in their behavior. Alcoholism can lead to significant mood swings, especially when an individual becomes dependent on alcohol to function.[1] This can make it difficult to know what attitude to expect daily with loved ones, leading to a very unstable home environment.

Emotional and Psychological Impact

The emotional toll on family members when living with an alcoholic can be considerable.[2] Having to witness an individual you love continuously practice self-destructive behavior can lead to anger, sadness, or even guilt. This emotional state isn’t just damage to the individual suffering from alcoholism. It can have a major impact on the mental health and overall well-being of those around them.

Broken Trust and Communication

When loved ones are experiencing any form of addiction, they are often forgetful or indifferent when fulfilling their obligations in the family or delivering on their promises. Often, alcohol use becomes the highest priority in the individual’s life, even over relationships. This can quickly lead to a loss of trust and make it challenging to address the problem effectively.

Financial Disputes and Stress

Alcoholism is a financially draining disorder that can be difficult to deal with for all members of the family. Money that could be spent on important necessities for the household quickly gets repurposed to support an alcohol addiction, adding considerable stress on partners who share financial responsibilities in the household.

How Alcoholism Impacts Close Family Members

Alcoholism can have ripple effects on all members of the family that live with the affected individual. Close family members may often find themselves caught in the crossfire of individuals suffering from a range of emotional and psychological issues.

The negative impacts can include:

  • Emotional Distress – Close family members of individuals experiencing alcoholism may experience increased anxiety or depression, along with a sense of helplessness due to the destructive effects of alcoholism on their loved ones.
  • Strained Relationships – When loved ones are drinking too much, it leads to aggressive or unpredictable behaviors, which can be incredibly destructive to a relationship. Communication breakdowns and family conflicts can increase frequency and cause long-term strain on relationships.
  • Unstable Home Environments – Living with an alcoholic can often create a chaotic or even hostile home environment as addicted family members continuously battle with their dependency issues. This environment makes it very difficult for family members to feel safe daily.
  • Neglect and Abuse – In far too many cases, alcoholism can lead to neglect or abuse of family members. This is especially the case for the spouses of individuals battling alcoholism and their children. Because of the family dynamics, escaping this dangerous cycle and creating lasting negative impacts on all parties involved can be difficult.

How to Talk to Your Partner About Their Drinking Problem

One of the most important things you can do as a partner of an individual suffering from alcoholism is to talk to them about this situation.[4] While this can be intimidating, it’s important to take the first step towards helping a loved one address the issue and seek the help they need.

Approaching the conversation empathetically and with understanding is key to helping you reach a more productive outcome. Some things you should put into practice include:

Choose the Right Time and Place

Finding the ideal time and place to converse with your partner is crucial. Wait until your spouse is sober and relaxed while not being stressed about other issues. Don’t try to have a productive discussion about alcoholism when your spouse is drinking or upset. 

Consider approaching them on the subject when you can create an environment conducive to a productive and meaningful discussion and free from distractions.

Express Your Concerns Empathetically

When discussing their drinking with your partner, you should never sound accusatory or use generalizations. However, you can be specific about changes in their behavior. This may include how their drinking has made you feel and whether you have been unable to feel connected to them. 

Providing specific examples of how their drinking is impacting others around them helps to provide tangible elements of the alcohol disorder. It helps to bring awareness to this issue calmly and lovingly.

Show Your Love and Support

Let your partner know you love them and are discussing this because you’re concerned about their well-being. Be sure to avoid criticizing them or trying to control them since this will often lead to an argument. Rather, let them know that you want to help them overcome any struggles they may be having with drinking and discuss seeking professional help if they are willing to discuss it.

Be Prepared for Resistance

In most cases, there will be some level of resistance or denial from your partner when addressing the topic of alcoholism. Individuals who are dependent on alcohol often experience a sense of denial, which can make it difficult for them to acknowledge that they have a real problem. Be patient when this happens, but be firm in your messaging.

What are Some Successful Coping Strategies When Married or Cohabiting With an Alcoholic?

Below are some helpful coping strategies when you’re cohabiting with an alcoholic: 

  • Educate Yourself – Try to learn as much as you can about all forms of alcoholism. This will help you better understand what your partner is going through and the best ways you can support them through their struggles.
  • Set Clear Boundaries – It’s important to set clear boundaries with your partner regarding what is acceptable behavior when living with them as they manage their alcohol intake. This helps to prevent you from becoming a victim of abuse and improves your well-being.
  • Practice Self-Care. Prioritize your physical and emotional health. This may include couples therapy or spending more time with supportive friends and family.
  • Join a Support Group—Sharing your feelings and experiences with others who can relate to your situation can help you avoid feeling isolated when dealing with your family issues. These groups can offer practical advice and help you establish a supportive network of peers.
  • Seek Professional Help – If your loved one is willing, encourage them to work with professionals to help curb their addiction to alcohol. This could include various forms of therapy, counseling, and rehabilitation programs.

Help Isn’t Far Away

When you’re living with a loved one with an alcohol abuse problem, it can seem like you’re all alone. However, help is close by, and you and your loved one can get the essential support you need at alcohol rehab from Soba NJ.

Medical Content Writer

Amanda Stevens is a highly respected figure in the field of medical content writing, with a specific focus on eating disorders and addiction treatment. Amanda earned a Bachelor of Science degree in Social Work from Purdue University, graduating Magna Cum Laude, which serves as a strong educational foundation for her contributions.

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Frequently Asked Questions About Living With an Alcoholic

No. Unless an individual is a significant danger to themselves or others, a loved one with alcoholism needs to want to get support of their own free will. This is an important first step in their long-term recovery.

Yes, alcoholism is recognized as a chronic disease that leads to a compulsive need to regularly consume alcohol regardless of the negative consequences it can cause.[5] There are genetic and psychological components associated with an individual’s alcohol dependency that often require professional support to help manage.

It’s important to understand the types of environments or habits that can trigger an individual’s desire to consume alcohol and avoid them. This can also include purposely covering your loved ones’ mistakes when they drink or making excuses for their behavior.

When your children are of appropriate age, talk to them openly and honestly about a parent’s alcoholism. It’s important that they know this is not their responsibility to fix, and they’re not to blame. At the right time, it’s wise to get professional support for the family to help everyone cope with the emotional impact that a loved one’s struggle with alcohol can cause.

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[1]U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. (n.d.). Alcohol’s effects on the body. National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. https://www.niaaa.nih.gov/alcohols-effects-health/alcohols-effects-body

[2]Lander, L., Howsare, J., & Byrne, M. (2013). The impact of Substance Use Disorders on families and children: From theory to practice. Social work in public health. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3725219/

[3]Family history of alcoholism: Are you at risk?. Department of Mental Health. (2024, May 24). https://dmh.lacounty.gov/our-services/employment-education/education/alcohol-abuse-faq/family-history/

[4]U.S. Department of Health and Human Services. (2020, April 14). Starting the conversation. National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. https://alcoholtreatment.niaaa.nih.gov/support-through-the-process/starting-the-conversation

[5](US), N. I. of H. (1970, January 1). Information about alcohol. NIH Curriculum Supplement Series [Internet]. https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK20360/

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